I’ve been here for three weeks now! Sometimes it feels like a short while, and sometimes it seems like the longest time of my life. The last 2 months have been such a roller coaster of emotions and events that I’m still recovering from it! I’m still getting settled and figuring out my role here in Jeffreys for the next two months. It’s been a bit rough jumping in after things have been going for a while already, and things have not gone as I expected. Basically, all the things that have happened, combined with things not looking like I expected them too, and situations being harder than I felt ready for, all overwhelmed me and broke me down. In all honesty, it’s been rough. I’ve been emotionally broken and physically depleted and overwhelmed. It’s been hard! I’ve questioned alot… why am I here, what is my purpose, what is God doing, etc. I’ve cried more than I ever have in my life. I’ve delt with more anxiety than I’ve ever had in my life. And now I’ve come to this place of brokenness. I share this with you because I feel like God has spoken to me that this is even His will for me – to be an example of brokenness and vulnerability, which are both things I struggle with, but that He has now placed in my life. And I don’t believe He ever teaches us things just for ourselves… He pours into us so that we might pour into others. He breaks us so that He can use us. So my prayer and the deepest cry of my heart is that God would be glorified in me. I pray that He would use me in my brokenness. In this hard time I know He has plan for amazing things! And I’m holding on to that. Even when I’m struggling, I choose to hold on to His promise that He WILL be faithful to His promises. And looking back over how He provided for me to come back here, it is such a testimony to His power! He has done some crazy awesome things! And I know He will continue to do so! So that’s where my heart is at… it’s not easy for me to share it for all the world to see, but I truly believe this is what God calls us to – transparency and complete vulnerability. It’s something we shy away from, and we feel we have to keep things to ourselves, because it’s not okay to be broken. But it IS okay! Life is a journey and so often God brings us to a place of brokenness and we need to embrace that! And it is so so hard, but the light at the end of the tunnel makes it all worth it. So I’m holding on to that promise, that God’s plan goes far beyond me own, and that He has purposes I have not even an inkling of.
I don’t know if this entirely made sense – my mind is pretty cluttered and I feel it’s hard to get my thoughts out in order, but this is the best I could do today! Now that things are going to get into more of a routine here in J-bay, I’ll hopefully be able to update more often without so much stuff happening and building up that it’s hard to even begin to write it all down.
But tomorrow is going to be my first day of cooking! I’ll only be cooking 2 days a week, which is different that I originally expected, but it’s actually a blessing, since cooking for so many people is a bit overhwelming for me now that I actually see the reality of it. My other days will be filled with different leadership duties, of which I’ll update more later. Pray that tomorrow and the next day go without disaster and that everyone gets enough food! I’ll let you know how it goes.
God bless… may you rest in His sufficiency today.
Trusting,
Melissa
